Eternal.Sunrise.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I think someone has to be tell me if there is anything wrong with my character or behaviour. There seems to exist a barrier between me and my class, 0923A. I can't identify whether the barrier is built by me but definity something is blocking the way.

They seem so friendly but somehow I face difficulty reaching out to them. Maybe the problem lies with me. I can't stop pondering why we always score similar grades when they dun work as hard as me. Perhaps their brain works best in a carefree lifestyle but that is just not fair.

We may sure the common goal but mentality wise is too much of a difference. They(not all) are too carefree and staying with them doesn't motivate me to even a single min. But if I shun away from them to utilise each min efficently, I'll behave like Erica.

I need a lighthouse, a figure to lead me. I need a motivator, a never-get-bored listener, and a never-be-tired punchbag. Square used to be them. He used to play these roles before, I let him go.

I think I should be my own lighthouse and to listener to my soul. Square has left the usual route to achieve his goal. I must buck up too. So that some day when we meet again, we'll be on the same footing.

Before realising that goal, I have to beat those scholars from other classes. So I gonna mug again.

Be strong :)

Jing

Friday, April 24, 2009

Something occurs today which reminds me of Kelvin Kam's incident. The ongoing incident that broke our friendship. If anyone rmbs, rumour was the cause or to be more specific, it should be Kelvin Lee.

I'm really clueless of where the rumour originated from but I m sure it has something to do with the P(my classmate's name). Ever since he started associating with another guy in my class, the girls came up to ask if I'm interested in him. That's completely ridiculous. How can I fall for him?

Not saying he is someone bad, in fact I wanted so much to be his friend. Since he possess some commendable characteristics, is considerably hardworking and has scored above average grades for several tests, there is so harm befriending him especially when we belong to the same PW group.

Besides, almost everyday girls(except me) in my class admires his ability. I merely had a few conversations with him over the last 3 months. I dun talk to him as often as other girls do. I dun sit near him except for PW lessons and some math lessons(coz I was lazy to move since math is straight after PW)

When they claimed that the guy admitted his interest in me, I almost laughed my lungs out. Not becoz I was over excited or what, u know when someone tells me sth which is far from reality, the only response I'll give is a 5 mins laugh, sth of my strength.

I have to admit I'm very bad at handling such matter especially when the guy was walking towards us, I have no idea if I should stay in the group or walk away. But in end my instinct led me away.

Haiz...to me it's nothing more than a knife that eventually sever our friendship. Hope I over exaggerated it.

DUN be distracted from studies!

Jing

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Concept approved. Proposal declined.

Should I feel consoled when the concept I worked for 2 hours is complimented but the proposal I spent 3 days constructing is rejected. Rejected with no apparent reason!

I suppose I didn't miss the deadline, neither did I submit to the wrong teacher. Other classes or at least one I know of didn't even start writing a proposal, and is chosen for the trip. It's as if I am sentenced without a reason or an explanation. Even criminal is jailed for a reason.

It's undoubtful to feel elated when my concept is appreciated and praised as a potential art piece. xD But what follows that is nearly out of my ability and control. Imagine I have to design a painting using photoshop when I only attended 3 lessons on that.

Put aside the (supposingly) magnificent background which I have no idea how to creat, to give a detailed explanation on my concept is already a headache for me.

It seems like the routine repeats itself week after week. I'm gonna submit a painting, my final PI, GP and econs essays..etc on the week again. But I'm not going to produce another proposal unless the tutor gives me a reasonable explanation why my proposal is rejected.

Gosh, I can't face rejection. I hate to be rejected!

Bless me

Jing

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The stupidest decision I have done is to follow their will and redo my proposal. I should have stand up for my ideas. That backstabber stuff her mouth with lies. Our civics tutor had never encouraged us to do cop overseasr or agreed to accompany us there. Similarly, no all classmates are ready to commit in this project.

What on Earth is happening? Someone just lectured me for not using my head. If I had used it how could those people climb over it?

We shall see who suffers from their intelligent idea in the end.

Monday, April 6, 2009

What a day of surprise attacks which caught me totally unprepared.

I had spent 3 days planning the COP(community outreach programme) to kindergarten after almost half the class objected go Batam(COP proposed by school). In the end, someone or more than one have been _________ the class to reconsider the idea again.

And just this morning they told that the whole class has agreed to go except for me and the other girl. How ironic, those who persistedly objected the idea 3 days ago can tell me confidently, "Ya, I confirm want to go".

Wow, do they expect me to rethink, replan and rewrite my proposal overnight? Then what have I been doing for the past 3 days to put my PI and other assignments at stack?

I seriously lost in finding the "correct" angle to look into this matter rationally. Maybe maybe they have possess no ___intentions but to me it just look almost identical to a backstab.