Eternal.Sunrise.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Again tuesday has ended with an hour of tennis lesson. I was pleading Pall to help me train after lesson but he was more keen towards soccer even after he agreed the day before. So he made an excuse saying that my serve is already better than Yongbang and I dun need any more practice. Well, besides the serve, there is nothing else to be confident of since I can't even hit back a ball properly.

I have to admit that my brain is abnormally slow to interpret people's mind. I couldn't figure out their memtality and what makes them so selfish and inconsiderate. Everyone seems happy-go-lucky all day along as of their results were top of the level. They are attached to each other so 'intimately' in class until it gives me the impression that they are really close. Perhaps they are, just that I'm not close to them. But there is one thing I can be 90% sure-no one is near to selfless. Am I slow to realise this only now?

Yong bang is always friendly and helpful towards others, except me. He would lend his tutorials to any classmates but me. He can explain question by question to anyone but me. He would tell others what he is drawing but not me. What is the problem? I could never get it. I thought we are friends. Ya that's right. He didn't oppose me in anything. He dun detest me. But why his attitude towards me is sooooooooo weird? Maybe he didn't even realise. He can't rmb why he refuse to lend me notes or why he refused to explain a question to me. Or did he merely act ignorant so that he can continue not to lend me?
fac
The H1N1 reall has it all. My CIP plans all flung coz of it. Now I have to plan another programme and find another organisation. The tutorials already squeezed 3/4 of my brain juice, not to mention cca task and the competition I stupidly joined. THe leader is forcing me to think of new ideas every other day. I hate to receive his msg. I gave my ideas and he rejected silently. What's the point of asking me to join if he thinks that my ideas can't work. They can be developed into fantastic story, why did he reject?!

Nothing goes right with the current rate of progressing. Am I progressing anyway? Or have I been stagnant this while?

Should I talk to the school counsellor since I have 2 hours to spare tomorrow morning.

Love compre,
Jing

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Apparantly the blog is almost dead because I have not been blogging. If given a choice, why wouldn't I blog. It's not as if I can't squeeze at least 10 mins to post something. There is simply nothing to write about that's why I didn't blog!

Whatever that lies in my agenda is so mandatory. School, tutorials, pw, cca, studies, everything dead. There is only classmates who can never be friends only classrooms without designated seats. You belong to the school but nothing in the school belongs to u.

Everything is so boring. And it's so hard to find a purpose to learn those things I learnt. They all doesn't make sense. Everything is prepared. All we are required is to memorise, process and practise. What on earth is learning? Shouldn't we be taught the purpose of learning them as well?

I was left to ponder, " which one is more important, your friends or your future?". Nice question. Does it mean if all my classmates dun like to study then I'll be left with no friends? Then I have to eat alone, study alone and walk into lecture theatre and classrooms myself?

No one seems to care.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Goal of the week

1st: Finish all assignments on time !

2nd: sleep at least 7 hours a day!

Day of Depression

ONe piece of good news from summer test results:

I improved from E to C for GP essay !!!!!

Alright, that's the one and only good news I can share. Chem deteriorated by 2 grades, maths by 1 and phy by 4 coz I failed it. I failed phy. Though I was excel good in phy but bcoz I did pretty well for the previous tests, it become an unwanted surprise to fail.

Next, I failed econs which I was confident of passing, at least for the essay question, I thought I would pass! HOw should I describe? When I glanced through the script, as the marks flashed through my eyes, my heart sank, into the deepest ocean all the way to the core of this globe.

How irony. The paper I spent nights and days mugging failed me or should I say I failed myself again and again and again. While for GP, I merely spent an hour browsing through 3 model essays and went into exam hall without any research data filling a single cell of my brain and the result was smiling at me, I supposed. If not for my tons of spelling and grammer mistakes and wrong expressions that highlighted my poor language skills in every para I would have gotten a B grade.

This punishment is severe enough to make me kick the habit of last min revision no matter how busy I was busy with pre-u and PW. I dare not procrastinate like I used to. I dare not keep my eyes close for more than a sec in lecture anymore. I dare not shop or watch anime b4 completing the assignments. Neither would I dare to risk flunking any test.

It doesn't sound like me at all. But if that is what one has to do to score well, then I will do it.

Go go jia you !!

Never say die.

And Lijing dun die =)